The Spawn, my dear nephew, who was 4 years old in November, is very fond both of running around and making noise. The Witch and her Octopoid have purchased him a late Christmas gift. A musical hobby giraffe. He'll love it. As to his parents - do you perhaps get the idea that the Witch is not as solicitous towards her in-laws as she might be?

The Witch is making holiday plans. December 25th is the appointed day for the Witch to go eat turkey with the Homicidal Maniac. The Witch is in possession of a ferret who possesses the following qualities: she has BO and dandruff, diarrhea and flatulence, and does not have much skill at using the litterbox. Here's an idea! How about we take ( Read more... )

For the Homicidal Maniac, also known as the woman who bore me, I have purchased...socks. Sockettes, actually. With pompoms. And cartoon reindeer. And rubberized snowflakes. In turquoise. Acrylic. [Cue sinister cackling and hand-rubbing]

I did spare her the ones with hula-dancing pigs, mind.